Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
