tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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