I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
