you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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