We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
