I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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