she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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