Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
