You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
