I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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