4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
