What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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