I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
