I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
