I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
