FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
