Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
