I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize