now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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