You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
