I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize