she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
