bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
