I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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