tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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