So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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