Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
