My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize