We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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