doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
