Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
