He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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