Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
