Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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