Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
