Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
