Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
