He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
