After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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