only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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