the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
