I'm lost and stupid without you.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
