I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
