i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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