What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
