Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
