people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
