friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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