Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize