i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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