The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
