I want to walk on stilts...naked
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
