Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
