Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize