i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
