T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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