i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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