It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
