life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize