she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
