I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
