This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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