My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
