My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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