I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
