Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I am available for nakedness
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
